I'm just singin' in....my dreams

I dream most nights, which I am grateful for. I hear that a lot of people don't dream at all. I've been told by loved ones that I dream so often because my brain is incessantly busy. That's ok with me, because even if I dream I wake up feeling rested. Due to my active dreams and a reoccurring event in my dreams, I am convinced I played an instrument and wrote my own music in a past life. (Yes, I whole-heartdly believe in past lives and we shall leave this for a later post.) First of all, since I can remember music has been incredibly influential for me. I remember the first two musicians that I fell in love with. The first one caught my heart when I was about 3 years old. Her name was Tina Turner. I have vivid memories of her Private Dancer album playing on my mother's record player. As I sat on the floor I just stared at the record case, entranced by her long legs, shiny heels and RED lacquered nails. It was my first celebrity crush for sure.

Then we moved to Ohio and my friend's mother, who lived across the street was a huge fan of Carly Simon. By sheer exposure, I too became a huge fan of Carly Simon. I remember I had her Coming Around Again album on cassette tape. My friend's mother had it on CD so I would often go to her house just so that I could look at the CD booklet - bigger, better pictures than what you found in the cassette case. On other occassions, you would often find me in bed listening to my Sony Walkman which of course was playing a Carly song, usually my favorite, "Do the Walls Come Down," or perhaps I was on the back patio giving the trees a free concert - me lip syncing to any of the songs off that album. The best was when it was a windy day and I could pretend I was her, performing at the 1987 concert on Martha's Vineyard - a VHS I watched religiously. Thanks to a close family friend who also happens to be a neighbor, just a few months ago I enjoyed the same concert on DVD. This time it was a more grown-up experience which included a late night with surround sound, champagne and Chambord.

So I have shared with you the first two musical artists I ever fell in love with, but I also failed to mention that my life plays out with a soundtrack. Ask any close friend of mine and if we happen to be eating in a Chipotle, having a beer in Brooklyn, shopping at Urban or anywhere else music may be playing, almost always I will say, "Oh my gosh! This song takes me back to [fill in blank here]." My experiences are defined by the music that was playing. Whether that happened out loud for everyone to hear or if it was playing in my head...which has happened more times than I admit. There is a song from the late '90s that reminds me of an old boyfriend, however he has no idea because at that memorable moment the room was silent and the song was only playing in my head.

So besides my two major musical loves and the constant backdrop of music in my life I say that I must have been a musician/writer in a past life because I have written music in my dreams. Songs I have never heard before and when I wake up I can still hear them in my head. I can't even begin to process how I would get this music out of my head and onto paper or recorded....there is an absolute block in my brain once I am awake. So instead of scrambling to get the song recorded in some medium I just enjoy the music while it plays in my head until the rattling of the day slowly brings the music to fade.

Does music have a profound effect on you too? Any talent you have that is only used while visiting dreamland?

Hartelijk gefeliciteerd!

If my Dutch ancestors were here today that is what they would say to me. What does it mean? Happy Birthday! I turn 28 today...well in approx 6 more hours I will officially be 28. I have received so many calls, texts, Facebook messages, cards, etc. from my friends and family. I am such a lucky girl! One text conversation that I just have to share with you was very funny and telling of my age as I reflect on how much parenting responsibilities have changed.

My Dad texted me Happy bday about an hour ago. I wrote back saying, 'thanks Dad. 28 yrs ago Michael Jordan won the NCAA championship for North Carolina and oh yea you became a Dad. :)' I always bring up this career milestone game for MJ in reference to my birthday because my mom always laughs saying that my dad was by her side when it counted, like when the pain was unbearable and when I actually came into the world. However, Mrs. Steinman was in labor with me for a whopping 17 hours so how did my Dad fill his time? Why watching the NCAA basketball games of course. So while he was wandering around the hospital glued to various TVs my mom would have to send gopher nurses out to go find him. My how the times have changed......I don't think most men would get away with that these days.

So the real funny factor kicked in when my Dad responded back via text and said, 'oh what a memory....and the next day I caught a large mouth bass.'

I let this digest in my brain and I think 'WHAT?!' You went fishing the day after your first child was born????? Would that even fly now that we are in 2010? Hell, no. I mean I see baby showers now that include beer and husbands. I personally do not plan taking my own baby showers that far, ladies only please, but by George my husband would not be off on a 10-hour fishing trip the day after I squeezed out a baby and now all it does is keep me awake at night.

My how the times have changed......

Anyone else have funny birth stories?

You give me hives

Toxic partners in a romantic relationship. We all have a type that is toxic to us. It's like an allergy. For some of us, peanuts are toxic, for others a liberal dose of penicillin; ah-hem, I puke from that. What we are allergic to and what our bodies find toxic are different for all of us. Much like what qualities make a man/woman toxic to one person are different from those that are toxic to another person. For me the level of toxicity is extremely high in men with the following two ingredients: Aloofness and Elusiveness.

For anyone who knows me, I possess neither (at least in high quantities). This is probably why I am so drawn to these qualities, but eck why? What even sounds remotely inviting about someone who is aloof and elusive? I look back to the time I was a sophomore in high school and every boyfriend I have had since then has been packed to the brim with these two ingredients. The older I get, the more concentrated these ingredients become in the men I pursue. This also explains why I have been single for 3 years. This always explains why I haven't been in a stable and satisfying relationship in 10 years.

I turn 28 on Monday. I am not freaking out about being single. Matter of fact a whole smorgasbord of successful, hot, charming men was just thrown in my face this week thanks to my latest career endeavour, so no need to panic and scream "where are the men?!" And actually, as of late, my entire focus has been on my personal interests, goals and deeply valued relationships with friends and family. However, my subconscious is not as serene as the awake me.

Last night I spent some quality time with a girlfriend of mine just chillin on her couch and chatting. As young, single ladies we have to throw in the standard question when catching up..."so any updates on [insert boy name here]?" So I dive into, "no not really. Just the same old text, phone call here. We meet up if we both are out but that's the extent. I don't look at him as boyfriend material, but even with these low expectations he is struggling to meet them. Which is a shame because he is soooo hot and sexy to me. Must be that aloof, tortured artist thing. You know I love a good, cold fish. Oh, well."

So as I leave her place and walk down the tree-lined sidewalks in the West Village I start feeling bad about my behavior. Why am I putting energy into Mr. Slit-My-Wrists? He is more of the same, just in a hotter package. Come on, don't do this again.....you know better. You said you wanted someone that was Mr. Jokester, outgoing, not uptight or overly-sensitive. What are you doing......?

So let that dialogue fester in your brain for the next 20 minutes as you ride the subway home. You are feeling pretty crappy about yourself. Why do we do this to ourselves when other people do just a fine job making you feel crappy about yourself. Do you really need more of it? I think not. Tell that annoying person in your head to shut up. Now it's time to go to bed. You've thoroughly enjoyed a recent issue of US Weekly and you are not chastising yourself anymore. Why should you anyway, you have your sister to do that for you.

I pass into sleep and now I encounter one of my favorite exes of all time! He just loves making random appearance in both my dreams and in real life. He is pretty good at that and oh-so-annoying when he does. If I were to sum up the feelings I have regarding the last days of our relationship it would be anxiety, rejection, claustrophobia. Lovely I know. With those endearing neuroses in hand, I greet the day with a serious dose of crappy emotions thanks to my subconscious sleepover with Mr. Ex-boyfriend. I just love reliving those feelings!

I feel a little irritated and bummed as I head to work. I was hoping all of this would pass by now. Thankfully I am greeted by friendly and good-looking co-workers who do get me out of that isolating funk. But I do think it is best to heed the annoying lecture I received from my subconscious. Especially with a fun-filled birthday weekend coming up. I can not have more of the same raining on my parade. Here's to finding you Brad, the ever-loving, social butterfly that you are!

Now I ask you - what is or has been your toxic ingredient? And as for the celebrity pics? Even if the guys weren't right for me I do want to respect their privacy so I pulled these pics to represent them. At one point, while watching the following movies (The Last Kiss, Atonement and Romeo and Juliet) the actor's performance and/or appearance reminded me of an old flame. Some of you can probably guess who is who..... ;)

Gimme a beat!

Bad girl drunk by 6
Kissing someone else's lips
Smoked too many cigarettes a day......

Ok, so those words aren't exactly literal in my case, but I have been a bad girl and whenever I or anyone else I know has been bad I always break into song. The above song to be exact. Does anyone know this song or who "wrote it"? (I am using the term wrote loosely here). I'll give you a clue, this 80s queen of music has a global taste in men.

So I have been a bad girl for obvious reasons - not sharing the blogin' lovin'. I have been a little M.I.A. and there are two reasons for this:

1) I am no longer sitting at a desk for 10 hours a day a la my job with King of Yelking

2) I am at Mrs. Steinman's bootcamp in Arizona preparing for lift-off

I do not view these as excuses or suitable reasons for my absence, just letting you know what I have been doing otherwise. I am going to try harder, my goal was to never leave you for more than one day. So please know that you will be getting a double dose today and very soon you will see another lovely post from your favorite train.

Now - what song am I singing when I have been bad.....oh so bad.

Regrets

I am a member or as they call it, an 'insider' of the OWN Network - the one that will eventually take over the world. That's right, the Oprah Winfrey Network, in partnership with Discovery Communications. As an insider you are sent a question to answer and through the insider feedback there is a possibility your answer could spark a show idea. Yesterday I was prompted to share my regrets. I don't really believe in regrets because the choices we make are what makes us who we are in the present and if you have regrets it indicates that you are regretful or disappointed in the result that is YOU.

However, there is one thing in my life that I can 100% say I regret. This is what I shared with Ms. Winfrey. Probably not going to make for a great show idea, but it felt good to write this down. Now I am going to share it with you.

I have only one regret in my life. I quit dancing far too early in life. Growing up I was a talented dancer of many styles including ballet, jazz and lyrical. I quit in grade school to only start again in high school and then quit again before college. Instructors could always see my talent but because of insecurity (feeling I wasn't good enough, sensitive to competitive girls that were envious of my quick advancement in class) I quit. During the times when I wasn't dancing and thus just watching a performance, my body would ache to be up there. It still does. I often dream about dancing and I have all the strength and flexibility I would have today had I stuck to it. The feeling in my dreams is exhilarating, like flying, but I am soon met by morning light knowing it was only a dream.

If you too want to share and/or join the OWN Network visit this link: http://www.oprah.com/own

Or if you just want to share via the comment section please do! And remember the Question Mark Train rules - you must have a username. :) Love.

Embrace thy genes

I have cankles. My sister has cankles, Mrs. Steinman has cankles, some of my aunts have cankles, some cousins have cankles, both grandmothers have cankles - I mean it is pretty evident here that this gene was not going to skip me. As a young girl you don't really notice the cankles (ladies who are in this lucky club and feel differently please let me know). I guess you start noticing them in your teens, high school perhaps. I honestly can't recall the exact moment I realized I had cankles but unfortunately as I get older they get more...uh, authentic.

Now I am not one of those girls that obsesses about her body and complains about everything. If I could change anything on my body it would most definitely be my cankles and to be fair they're really not that bad. But that is the only thing I would change. Oh yeah, and my bat wings too, if I could, but that is it! I swear.

Cankles have been an obsession for Koosh and I for quite some time now. Her cankles are more authentic than mine, but she has longer legs but who's really keeping score here right, certainly not me.....

Whenever one of us spots a celebrity with cankles we are sure to happily show one another and say, "Look! Even these famous, talented beautiful women know how to rock their canks."




Then you start forming some cankle pride. Not that I would choose to KEEP my cankles if I could have a re-do with the big guy upstairs, but sometimes it's fun laughing in disgusted yet endearing amazement of whose cankles are bigger. Earlier this year while in Indy visiting family me, Koosh and our cousin Sarah threw down and compared authenticities.....

You decide who claims the crown. Women out there (and some men I might add) are now seeking cosmetic surgery to reduce their cankles. Most notably a woman and her surgeon appeared on Good Morning America last summer to tell her story. Man does she look stoked. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_hs7pvy_8c And she has zero issues with having paid $8,000 for the procedure. To be honest I would have taken that money and gone on an international adventure but to each their own. I personally don't think the results are that great, however this one is a pretty good example, but still, this woman's procedure cost $16,000! http://www.5min.com/Video/Cankle-Liposuction-Explained-125205199

It'll be interesting to see where the cankle trend heads next. I am sure this is not the last we'll hear of them. I don't think they will ever be considered sexy, but let me tell you, it's all about camouflage (no ankle strap shoes!) and plane old embracing who you are. Love those cankles, even if it is sometimes a love-hate relationship because, baby they're YOURS.

Small Talk

Hi, my name is Question Mark Train. I am 27 years old, single and living in Manhattan with my sister. It was my lovely sister who gave me the name Question Mark Train because I don't mind getting lost. Matter of fact I am pretty lost right now and I feel great. I quit the job I loathed (fashion PR - barf) over a year ago and at this moment I am sitting in a finance office working for a hefty hourly sum as an executive assistant. I am only doing it for three weeks, thank the good Lord for that. Some people may call me crazy for liking this constant shift and change in my life (especially during the worst economy of our modern time) but it feels good to me; I'm not doomed to a never-ending ground hog's day. I've gone from logging 60 hours a week at a job I detest to doing nothing but drinking in dive bars with recent college grads (yes 5 years younger than me), to getting my shit somewhat together and substitute teaching (only once, does that count?) to temping at boring offices. Oh and I do freelance on the side...yes in PR, but I gotta pay those bills somehow! Eww why is this all about work?

Anyway this is my first leap into participating in the blogosphere. Instead of sending every thought, interesting article, rhetorical question and beyond to my friends and family via email - clearly demonstrating to them that I am surfing the web and NOT working, I will instead just put it all here. All aboard this train is leaving.....