Subway Manners

QMT is pleased to announce its first guest blogger! Please enjoy this funny and highly informative post from my sissy. Yes that's right the one, the only, Koosh!

I have lived in the Big Apple for a grand total of 2 years and 9 months and in that time
I've gotten more of an education than the thousands of dollars worth of college, from learning how to pay bills on time to learning how to NOT take NYC tourist flyers from guys with puffy North Face coats on, that say “Damn gurrrl, god bless ya motha."

One thing that has come to my attention repeatedly since I moved here, is the lack of manners. Now I wasn’t raised with a silver spoon in my mouth, but I was taught to say thank you, you’re welcome and my all time favorite phrase to use here in the city, EXCUSE ME. I have found this phrase the least used in the city, and my favorite place to use this is… ON THE SUBWAY.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are so many things that make New York vivacious and interesting, this being one of them and that no 2 people are alike and that maybe we all don’t like the phrase excuse me- and that’s ok! But for my own pleasure I have jotted down a few Subway manners for all you folks who plan on visiting the city, and DON’T want to look like tourists ;)

1. Lay off the stripper poles

In the center of the subway you will find floor-to-ceiling silver poles, much like stripper poles, they are long, thus many hands can fit on them. Some people enjoy leaning all over them making it impossible for riders to hold onto the pole. No one wants to be thrown all over the subway so let’s all share folks. In addition, human beings do not qualify as one of these subway stripper poles, so get your paws off me… ya filthy animal.

2. “Let ‘em off!”

This is the phrase that you will hear the conductor say over the loud speaker. This means that if you are on the platform, waiting to get on the train and standing in front of the sliding doors, you are IN THE WAY; you physically cannot get on the train, and in the rare case that you manage to stampede over a few exiting people you could quite possibly end up in a brawl with a old Jewish lady armed with a Zabars bag and let me tell you, they are some tough broads. Real tough.

3. Spring Break!!

For all you spring breakers visiting New York, when you are wasted, while waiting for your train, please, in your drunken stupor, barf on the tracks, not the platform. Many of us, including myself, on an average day after work, will be waiting for the train for 5 minutes, when we realize something sticky on the bottom of our shoe, and it's not gum.

4. You missed the train

When exiting the train there is an unspoken procedure, you get off the train, and form some sort of single line or two lines and everyone gradually makes their way up the stairs and into the concrete jungle. However for the people trying to catch the train, plowing their way down the stairs, through the masses of people, they often destroy this simple exiting procedure. SO for that Joe-Schmoe coming down the stairs to the subway NEWS FLASH: YOU MISSED THE TRAIN. So there is really no need to go running down the stairs, knocking people over, to catch that train you missed- am I right? The next train will probably arrive in the next 3 minutes, plenty of time to wait for people to exit the station. So please wait for the “exitors” to exit and then proceed down the stairs.

** THIS RULE DOES NOT APPLY IN SEVERE WEATHER CONDITIONS**

In conclusion, these Subway Manners not only apply to the guests of New York, but also to you New Yorkers out there, so feel free to add any additional manners of your own because God knows we may need them. And please, while riding the train keep all hands and feet inside the car, and don’t hesitate to refer to these Subway Manners.